The Necroplanicus-the Book of Dead Projects

Clive,



I must admit what Nieman suggested sounds alright, provided that you left out the deep fried Mars bars and the fried bread, got rid of the onion gravy and replaced the scotch pie, chips and mushy peas with venison pie, game chips and freshly cooked, lightly buttered asparagus.

Now come on, boys, what you need is a nice hot scotch pie and chips, covered in lashings of onion gravy, with mushy peas and a side plate doorstep of fried white bread, followed by that Glaswegian speciality dessert, a deep fried Mars bar or two.

Steak pie, puff pastry, untainted by weeds. Creamy mash made with full-fat milk. White bread, fresh from the oven, thickly smeared with heavily salted butter.



oooooohhhhh....I’m ’avin a ’eart attack.

Beef and Stilton pie, or maybe rabbit, and go with the mash, but skip the sour cream, instead plenty of butter, a touch of fresh cream and black pepper.

Yes....it definitely could get better than that!!!!



How about a steaming pie & chips, drenched in succulent beef gravy with a fresh slice of white bread, just ready to dip in and mop-up the last remnants. Not to mention a warm pint of frothy John Smiths.

Alas M could only stand the empty JJ lifestyle for 2 weeks and had returned to Land of the Midnight Sun and Drunks.

Forever glad NEC had not slid into oblivion, she enquired if SW (formerly the girl from Rio the land of lunch voucher lunch time stick ups) was up for a sherry and shabba in SHC in the next 2 weeks.

Enough of this healthy fish and salad diet. Why eat salmon, shrimp, and lobster when we could be eating curry!

Then for over two months, nothing happened!

What is going on? Or rather what isn’t going on.

Through a sinister twist and a quantum distortion will M be forced to remain in her morphed identity as Jumeria Jane?

Will the stars tremble in their courses?

Will the Necroplanicus slide silently into oblivion?

Coo-err!

Bored of the Owners enclosure and the International Village Bubbly crowd at the Dubai World Cup, M was furious she had not picked up the best dressed jackpot.



By a strange twist of fate at Ski Dubai, M morphed into a Jumeria Jane albeit on a temporary basis and was to be found each morning in the Coffe Bean and Tea Leaf on the Beach Road.



Finding the letters page in the 7DAYS riveting stuff and intending using it as research & regurgitation for TN TBODP she had come to the conclusion that regular readers of the NEC were sane after all.



Incase NEC be trivialised and accused of being non informative, the Gulf News also proved to be informative for Planning Jobs in the Middle East.

Gwen,



Thanks for putting the record straight, I was worried it was going to be black armbands. I wondered what to do with the bottle of Laphroaig I got to pour a libation to his immortal soul, but I suppose I’ll just have to drink it myself.



Chris Oggham

Passed away ...........

i dont think it will change you!!!

Bull! He is sitting on my sun deck drinking my duty free the wee devil and sends his regards.

For all those people who think he does not exist, he is actually a well paid, highly sought after, former Project Manager/Director who specialises in Claims in the Middle East. Civils, O & G, he is not fussy as long as he gets enough cash to keep me in the custom to which I have become used to. I think his grandmother came from the Eastern block but thats another story.

Livet, bloody right I’m Livet

Clive - how could you mix up your two favourite S.L.A.P.P.E.R.S.

Makes the mind (Glen)Bogle so it does...

oh dear

oh dear

OH DEAR!!!



Oscar back!!!!!!!!!!

toggle ?

oh dear

what rymes with bloody glenboigle

Clive

Fiona is the Glen Livet person I am the Glenbogle person!

it’s another form of entertainment, or you can boil it in the pot! and it will give you a lot of gut! like coffee for the nuts!

"what I ask is WBS another form of"

Why? Probably like spending a night with Romanoviv!

whether it’s WBS or Codes, doesn’t matter, as long as oscar can get out of that gutter, or he might be DRAGGED by a planner...

Volunteer moderators - Full of suspicion

Left red faced, almost crimson

for fiction is not the real action, and would not make dead projects live...

...cos they have, no humorous vision.

From post to post the planners flit

To exercise spontaneous wit,

To answer questions in a trice,

To give a little sound advice,

To function within Planning Planet

Until the moderators can it,

We really do try hard to help,

Despite the moderators’ yelp,

Their censorship is hard to bear,

But we press on because we care,

We make a point, a humerous thrust

And then that post will "bite the dust"

Our fists we clench, our teeth we grit,

Volunteer moderators - Full of suspicion.



Sorry couldn’t think of a rhyme for that last line.



Chris Oggham

Chris and All PPers,



If you cast your minds back into the middle of last year, there was a VOTE on how the moderators should moderate. A number of options were offered. It seemed, however, that not all tha many people voted - but the general consensus seemed to indicate that the moderators should moderate their moderations a little more moderately (geddit?) - with an explanation of WHY they removed certain elements of the posting. Unfortunately, they seemed to have forgotten that.



OK, I agree (and anyone who has a good grasp of the English language would also agree)that the series of removed postings had an awful lot of innuendo - but linguistically, there was nothing personal, profane, abusive or inflammatory. It was just the richness of the English language being used at its most humorous.



I fully appreciate that the moderators have to exercise their judgement - but once again - I ask if there is a written set of guidelines for them to follow? If so, it ought to be published. If not, then it should be.



James.

Hi Clive,

I don’t believe I’ve ever said "yikes" in my life, however, I did have a quiet word with PP Admin, who having been made aware of the problem sent me the following reply:

Hello Chris,

Am responding to your message regarding moderators. While I can understand your frustrations with the (volunteer) moderators, please try to remember that PP is developed, run and paid for by a small group of volunteers (of which the Moderators are incidentally, not a part of) so try not to judge PP by your experiences with the moderation you have experienced.

All the best and keep on planning. Hope you choose to stay with us.

It will take a few days to get Rory on the case of closing down the moderator function, please hasstle me if it has not been done in the next few days.

So within the next couple of weeks we should see an end or at least a substantial diminution of over-zealous moderation.

Chris Oggham

How about "need to thwart"

How very strange, despite the large volume of postings to this thread, large numbers of them appear to have disappeared without trace. This would appear to be censorship rather than moderation and I really dont think that censorship has any place in Planning Planet. I think I may just copy this post in a Private Message to PP Admin as I doubt if it will remain on the thread for more than a couple of seconds.



Chris Oggham



This was one of my posts deleted by an overzealous moderator in an attempt to cover up the fact that he or she had gone rather too far. PP Admin are aware of the problem and are taking steps to remove that person as a moderator and hopefully prevent this sort of petty vindictiveness happening again.



Chris Oggham

Judging by the rate of postings into this forum, none of us have anything better to do - or are we just having so much fun that even our Planning Obsessives/Compulsives are being de-toxed.



The thought of Sweatty Betty, though, is enough to put-off anyone!! Urrggghh.

Charlie, Charlie - did someone mention a line-of-charlie. Two lines are preferred, and I can offer £5 per-line and can bring my own straw.



Anyone got a couple of Kgs to sell? Make me dosh far quicker than this planning lark!!!

oooooh did someone mention Charlie ?



Isn’t that akin to saying Macbeth ? Will the necroplanicus be doomed ?



a large dose of Glen usually works for me..



Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, etc. etc.

no, a dose of Charlie may do

This thread is like the kettle for the Queen of Hearts’ tea, it’s going off the boil. Would a large dose of Oscar provide a remedy?

It’s OK to feel depressed, when you’re in recruitment. Just don’t do anything silly like jumping off your wallet.



Chris Oggham

after the book of dead projects...

i feel i depressed...







just joined and found!

All at once, he awoke - his body shimmering with the drops of cold sweat, instantly clinging to his clothing and freezing into pellets of ice. The eyes were staring into the crisp skies of a frosted morning, with blurring images of people stepping-over him as they made their way to offices - ignoring the fact that there, lying in front of them, was The Man...the one that made it all happen.



Had he fallen from grace or was he pushed? All that we know is that, today, rising stiffly from the muddy, diesel-ridden snow that infects the gutters, his slumbering nightmare had ended. It was all but a dream. Now was the time to come-in-from-the-cold......

woh

so cold in the lithuanian gutter

Charlie your my man man

X to sweatty betty

got to go my wife is coming back

oscar

The March-of-the-’Bots had been initiated. Homing-in on the victim’s signal, there was no stopping their murderous onslaught. Despite the inventor’s Prime Directive, a rogue element of the ’bots had been programmed via a virus infected Bluetooth download. Their LOGIC had been corrupted.....AND NOW THEY WERE ON A MISSION......

However, M had had Oscar chipped and knew not only where he resided but also knew his exact "furryboots". The Monitors were slowly coming out of their hibernation as they realised they had had is too easy in recent times. The rota of early morning watchers and listeners would have to be reactivated.

....THAT was the reason why the Electrical Installation contractors had quoted so cheaply. The 240V cabling was actually pinched from a set of Christmas Tree Fairy Lights. Oh my, how is he now going to warn them.....the building will burn, the building will burn.....

Thoughts aghast - maybe he’s at peace - propping-up the foundations of his last project - having spoke the truth, unknowingly, to Don Corleone. An offer was made, but it was refused. Of "The Family" he is no more?

Concerning Oscar, perhaps (Shock! Horror!) he has been kidnapped!

Hooters Arbroath ??? now that really would be nippy......

:-P

Aside (Sweaty Betty formerly of Rio now Houston and maybe soon to be Rio again) Should that not have been a squeak or are you REALLY REALLY working in Hoosters Houston or perchance Hooters Abroath?).



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Oscar had indeed gone to ground. Perhaps out roaming the wintry wastes proving "Man always kills the thing he loves best"

Parp, Parp said Sweaty Betty.....

Oscar, Oscar - wherefore art thou my dear beloved?

Indeed - Where is Oscar???????

who had recently come in from the cold and was at work suffering from hot flushes induced by a Planning Forum at the branch office, The Ferryman, Aker Brygge the night before. Wishing to cascade to the interested reader, Sweaty Betty the Lady Planner from Inpana and founder member of S.L.A.P.P.E.R.S is, alas, no more. Now a house owning resident in Houston looking forward to the Rodeo. After throwing in the towel when her boss tried to reduce her meagre wages, she is, at present, a house mouse, and is "resting" between assignments. There is absolutely NO truth in the rumour she is currently working in the establishment known as Hooters.

Clive,



Is it contagious? Emanations of sporadic and meaningless drivel, reminds me of someone, possibly me, but someone else as well, just can’t quite think who at the moment.



Chris Oggham

After his wife had told him to get a life, Oscar had traded in his Planning vocation and was partaking in training for next seasons cricket. Still Shaney boy had better perfect that spin as Oscar, allegedly, was going to come up trumps.

It must be me, as I have a perennially guilty conscience as well as a murky past!!!