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The Necroplanicus-the Book of Dead Projects

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Larry Blankenship
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It was a day like any other day, unless you count October 12, 1986. It wasn’t at all like that day, but that’s a different story.

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Gwen Blair
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With Susan Boyle getting more hits the "The Book" Fat Ladies of a certain undisclosed age were going to, at last, take over the Media. Still the only way to lose a "No Confidence Vote" was, obviously, to be VERY confident.
Mike Testro
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It is a little known fact that the Doors were the first exponents of Garage music but they were changed by a large intake of mistletoe gin.

They spent most of their time between gigs pondering on imponderables such as:

How do you start a fat ladies singing contest?

What do have to do to lose a vote of No Confidence?

and whats more ...
Gwen Blair
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It was a well known fact the Doors were inadvertantly blown off in N. Italy during a practice session only to re-emerge later as universally acclaimed rock band headed up by Jim Morrison.
Chris Oggham
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Another thing? It most certainly was, but nobody was quite sure what, unless it was one of the unexplained phenomenon. But since no-one could explain them it was easier just to ignore them and put them down to the fact that the missing doors fron the stone circles had become unhinged.

Of course this was due to the fact that they opened outwards and were always being slammed by noisy, teenage druids on their way out to the nearest rave to score some illicit mistletoe. This did not, however, alter the fact that the missing doors improved the view from inside the circle but did make things rather draughty, all in all a small price to pay. But it did not answer the question where did the doors go?
Mike Testro
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Half awake from the half dead arcane thoughts drifted through what was left of his mind.

Could there have been doors in the gaps of stone circles if they had known about stone hinges?

Who knows? Who cares?

and another thing
Gwen Blair
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With 10,398 hits (inclusive of replies/comments/rants/ meadnerings)and 22 pages long Larrys love child awaited fellow Necros to awaken from the almost dead.
Chris Oggham
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And so the Necroplanicus, opened one eye, yawned, stretched, had a quick scratch and paused. Would the wake up continue into full alertness, or would it relax into slumber once more, its vibrant discussions of all things bizarre a fading memory.
Gwen Blair
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Indeed former Necs were coming out of hybernation to find some Royal Ranters had been deposed. Still the PP trend setters for twittering (or is it tweeting)were virtually still on line and aligned.
Chris Oggham
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Spring is springing.
Will this mean a resurgence of life for Necroplanicus?
Will anybody tell Clive that Charlie has left Planning Planet?
Will the stars tremble in their courses etc. etc.?
Mike Testro
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Hi All

I have heard of Family Planning - is that where you get baby planners?

Best regards

Mike Testro
Gwen Blair
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During the 17 months incubation period for morphing,decent reading material was in short supply. Imagine the joy of rediscovering that PP had stashed, concealed and stored NEC BODP for future generations of pre pubescent planners.
Where was the mad Frenchman? Sweaty Betty? Was it true they has met, married and made lots of baby planners or was she languishing in Torry Rig Blast Yard or getting help up at gun point in Rio for her luncheaon vouchers?
Still, time or google would tell. It always did.
Clive Randall
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Admiral Cornish then on hes preemptive strike on Manilla in the 1700s

Oliver Melling
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No, he was spotted havin a wee dram on the corner but 10 minutes ago, it was someone else.
Clive Randall
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Was it McArther per chance
Oliver Melling
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Imminent, but something was missing.
Clive Randall
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Apparently one liners were prevalent in some quarters

Daring deads by colonial running dogs were apparently imminent.

Chris Oggham
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An old friend enters the room but says nothing. Could this be the start of another Necroplanicus mystery?
Clive Randall
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Anoon Iimos
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Folks,

definitely not cubans...i love the easy bit, i’m lazy!
Chris Oggham
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Hi Anoon,

You’re telling me you only work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and you get to sleep?! Man, you’re on easy street.

Chris
Clive Randall
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hey anoon man wot you smoke fella
Anoon Iimos
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working on dead projects is 24 hrs a day; 7 days a week; and all the rest is sleep! you got 12 months of summer and all the rest is winter! you got no time to resign!
Gwen Blair
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Just back to the land of no rush hour, expensive beer, sunny long days and evening swims, M had had her fill of mince tatties neeps, skirlie, rain and midgies. She was surprised in deed to learn that, considering the demand for plannersm, that anyone of you worked Fridays and Monday.
Chris Oggham
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Cruuumbs! I never expected that!
Clive Randall
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POOTTS day?

Leave on time tommorows Saturday and we work on Saturdays
Richard Spedding
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POETS Day
Clive Randall
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TGIF
Raja Izat Raja Ib...
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Mary had a little lamb, missing in the bush, Jack beans stalk tried to help find in the field, its seems nothing relate.
Oliver Melling
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va confersaytions juz bean got morr insayn? Watts gong on?
Clive Randall
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A long time ago I thought Lilian Thompson was a girl
It turns out she was two Australian Criketers
Also thought it was Oh a tree in motion turned out to be poetry in motion.

Edwina Curry where are you are you still freinds with John
Richard Spedding
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and espeshully Handcock eggs cos they is not part of an balansed diet so is not pollitticaly rite
James Griffiths
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Diddunt you no that eggs is band. They is full of salmon and ella....whoever they r.
Clive Randall
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And there was me Oliver Imagining Tony (morally Corrupt because a knker manufacturere says so) Blair was revving up the Nuclear industry.
What are you guys doing at 8.45 talking about spelling
Im going to get Hancock and go to work on an egg.
James Griffiths
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Spelling or content??? Should we bow to the Queen or bough to the Queen. Should we stand at the bow or the bough of the ship, shoot a bough-and-arrow.....geddit? Spelling defines content.

Just gimme the grilled mars-bar.
Oliver Melling
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As the clock ticked 8:45, RANDALL made an an assumption.
Charlie....Anoon...Charlie.....Anoon?
They both made very little sense and the case could be argued quite easily by a slight case of schitzophrenia.
But what about everyone else? Surely Ogghams OCD with regard to grilled mackerel was not highlighted in earlier threads and what of Gwen, had her use of words nobody ken the meaning of increased??
Oliver Melling
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Spell checking Clive! As with project plans, it is the content not the spelling of a header that is important.
Clive Randall
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Randell whose Randell
Oliver Melling
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As the clock ticked 8:45, Randell made an an assumption.
Charlie....Anoon...Charlie.....Anoon?
They both made very little sense and the case could be argued quite easily by a slight case of schitzophrenia.
But what about everyone else? Surely Ogghams OCD with regard to grilled mackerel was not highlighted in earlier threads and what of Gwen, had her use of words nobody ken the meaning of increased??
Clive Randall
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Without the guidance of Oliver it was indeed true that culinary ramblings had proliferated.
Was everybody becoming leave happy
And where was Charlie
Cooking up a storm?
Or maybe Charlie was Anoon
Would we ever know
Oliver Melling
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After returning from a week working away, Oliver found that that everybody on the planning planet forum had gone quite insane.
Where once talk of logic networks filled the air, now insane ramblings were common-place, even with no Charlie in sight.
Richard Spedding
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Come on Chris, we planners don’t need to know what has gone before, we are only concerned with how to get to the required goal in the shortest possible time - hence Mornington Crescent!!!!
Clive Randall
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Planners must be creative
Being bonkers also helps the process
As the saying goes
" you dont have to be mad to work here but it helps"
Chris Oggham
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I’ve just read back over the past couple of dozen posts and find myself wondering how on earth we got here! There are a number of possible explanations; one that springs to mind is that we are all incredibly talented individuals with a flair for free-wheeling creativity. Alternatively it could be that we’re all completely bonkers.
Raja Izat Raja Ib...
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Its like honey... If u take litle its become energy, if more you got diabeties. Is it Cliff?
Clive Randall
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Its a bit of the sweet and sour treatment
Same as if you are making soup a little salt and a little sugar
Gwen your thoughts?
Chris Oggham
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Grilled mackeral with rocket - super! Follow that with the strawberries, but instead of cream, sprinkle them lightly with balsamic vinegar. I know it sounds disgusting, but wait ’til you try it.
Clive Randall
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Love the Mackral and rocket
freshly caught mackral and cut lettuce
Clive Randall
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tel him you were giving a s*** instead of not giving a s***
Anoon Iimos
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this is real! i’ve just come from the WC and my manager is asking where the h**l i’ve been? i’m wasting the company’s time...anyone can advice a better answer? by the way i’ve already resigned...
Richard Spedding
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Now your just getting picky!

Ho about freshly caught mackerel grilled lightly over an open fire on the beach and served with a watercress and rocket salad dressed with lemon vinaigrette.

Oh and fresh strawberries and cream for afters.

That should bring Oscar back from the dead, or even Norway!
Chris Oggham
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Clive,

I must admit what Nieman suggested sounds alright, provided that you left out the deep fried Mars bars and the fried bread, got rid of the onion gravy and replaced the scotch pie, chips and mushy peas with venison pie, game chips and freshly cooked, lightly buttered asparagus.
Clive Randall
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There is a book on how to vomit on command
In this instance it is not required
Richard Spedding
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Now come on, boys, what you need is a nice hot scotch pie and chips, covered in lashings of onion gravy, with mushy peas and a side plate doorstep of fried white bread, followed by that Glaswegian speciality dessert, a deep fried Mars bar or two.
Clive Randall
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Ya bloody will if you eat that my son
James Griffiths
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Steak pie, puff pastry, untainted by weeds. Creamy mash made with full-fat milk. White bread, fresh from the oven, thickly smeared with heavily salted butter.

oooooohhhhh....I’m ’avin a ’eart attack.
Chris Oggham
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Beef and Stilton pie, or maybe rabbit, and go with the mash, but skip the sour cream, instead plenty of butter, a touch of fresh cream and black pepper.
Clive Randall
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What sort of pie?
Chips or,, mash made with sour cream and parsley
white or wholemeal bread
James Griffiths
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Yes....it definitely could get better than that!!!!

How about a steaming pie & chips, drenched in succulent beef gravy with a fresh slice of white bread, just ready to dip in and mop-up the last remnants. Not to mention a warm pint of frothy John Smiths.
Clive Randall
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The clue
EU.NO
Was that Europe No objection?

Who knew the answer to the way we were coded

Fresh Salmon skinned from the pulsating beast and served, flesh warm on cold rice, with a hint of Wasabi to tingle the nasel passages

Could it get better than that?
Gwen Blair
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Alas M could only stand the empty JJ lifestyle for 2 weeks and had returned to Land of the Midnight Sun and Drunks.
Forever glad NEC had not slid into oblivion, she enquired if SW (formerly the girl from Rio the land of lunch voucher lunch time stick ups) was up for a sherry and shabba in SHC in the next 2 weeks.
Enough of this healthy fish and salad diet. Why eat salmon, shrimp, and lobster when we could be eating curry!
Chris Oggham
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Then for over two months, nothing happened!
What is going on? Or rather what isn’t going on.
Through a sinister twist and a quantum distortion will M be forced to remain in her morphed identity as Jumeria Jane?
Will the stars tremble in their courses?
Will the Necroplanicus slide silently into oblivion?
Coo-err!
Gwen Blair
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Bored of the Owners enclosure and the International Village Bubbly crowd at the Dubai World Cup, M was furious she had not picked up the best dressed jackpot.

By a strange twist of fate at Ski Dubai, M morphed into a Jumeria Jane albeit on a temporary basis and was to be found each morning in the Coffe Bean and Tea Leaf on the Beach Road.

Finding the letters page in the 7DAYS riveting stuff and intending using it as research & regurgitation for TN TBODP she had come to the conclusion that regular readers of the NEC were sane after all.

Incase NEC be trivialised and accused of being non informative, the Gulf News also proved to be informative for Planning Jobs in the Middle East.
Chris Oggham
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Gwen,

Thanks for putting the record straight, I was worried it was going to be black armbands. I wondered what to do with the bottle of Laphroaig I got to pour a libation to his immortal soul, but I suppose I’ll just have to drink it myself.

Chris Oggham
K N
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Passed away ...........
i dont think it will change you!!!
Clive Randall
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I is with a heavy heart that I must advise that Oscar passed away last night
I shall miss him
Gwen Blair
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Bull! He is sitting on my sun deck drinking my duty free the wee devil and sends his regards.
For all those people who think he does not exist, he is actually a well paid, highly sought after, former Project Manager/Director who specialises in Claims in the Middle East. Civils, O & G, he is not fussy as long as he gets enough cash to keep me in the custom to which I have become used to. I think his grandmother came from the Eastern block but thats another story.
Fiona Maughan
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Livet, bloody right I’m Livet
Clive - how could you mix up your two favourite S.L.A.P.P.E.R.S.
Makes the mind (Glen)Bogle so it does...
Clive Randall
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I am very sorry Gwen
To have assumed you were Glen
Livet
I was not confused but required a ryme
I will try harder next time
K N
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oh dear
oh dear
OH DEAR!!!

Oscar back!!!!!!!!!!
Gwen Blair
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Clive
Fiona is the Glen Livet person I am the Glenbogle person!
Fiona Maughan
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toggle ?
Oscar Wilde
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oh dear
what rymes with bloody glenboigle
Anoon Iimos
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it’s another form of entertainment, or you can boil it in the pot! and it will give you a lot of gut! like coffee for the nuts!
Clive Randall
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Now Gwen shes lost the plot
and followed in the wrong slot
answering what anon had said
perhaps she should have stayed in bed
with Glen her bottled freind from
Gwen Blair
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"what I ask is WBS another form of"
Why? Probably like spending a night with Romanoviv!
Anoon Iimos
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whether it’s WBS or Codes, doesn’t matter, as long as oscar can get out of that gutter, or he might be DRAGGED by a planner...
Clive Randall
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And thus, it came to pass
and end in sight for the farce
indeed he said as he saw
an end to moderators of yore
no more must we lose the explicit line
and deletions no longer the fine
for we are free and do at will
and show those who have no skill
the oscars and the orbes will feel our wrath
unless we take a dose of sloth
Lithuania I here you say
but, what is there oh pray
just an oscar in the gutter
puffed out without a stutter
his posts are few and far between
has he been taken by the queen
and secreted we know where
in some planning armchair
not to be heard from in the future
all cried at his nuture
what I ask is WBS another form of

Gwen Blair
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Volunteer moderators - Full of suspicion
Left red faced, almost crimson
Anoon Iimos
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for fiction is not the real action, and would not make dead projects live...

James Griffiths
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...cos they have, no humorous vision.
Chris Oggham
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From post to post the planners flit
To exercise spontaneous wit,
To answer questions in a trice,
To give a little sound advice,
To function within Planning Planet
Until the moderators can it,
We really do try hard to help,
Despite the moderators’ yelp,
Their censorship is hard to bear,
But we press on because we care,
We make a point, a humerous thrust
And then that post will "bite the dust"
Our fists we clench, our teeth we grit,
Volunteer moderators - Full of suspicion.

Sorry couldn’t think of a rhyme for that last line.

Chris Oggham
Clive Randall
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James
In future all texts in this post must be in ryme
Coz I said so so there
James Griffiths
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Chris and All PPers,

If you cast your minds back into the middle of last year, there was a VOTE on how the moderators should moderate. A number of options were offered. It seemed, however, that not all tha many people voted - but the general consensus seemed to indicate that the moderators should moderate their moderations a little more moderately (geddit?) - with an explanation of WHY they removed certain elements of the posting. Unfortunately, they seemed to have forgotten that.

OK, I agree (and anyone who has a good grasp of the English language would also agree)that the series of removed postings had an awful lot of innuendo - but linguistically, there was nothing personal, profane, abusive or inflammatory. It was just the richness of the English language being used at its most humorous.

I fully appreciate that the moderators have to exercise their judgement - but once again - I ask if there is a written set of guidelines for them to follow? If so, it ought to be published. If not, then it should be.

James.
Clive Randall
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The sword has struck a swinging blow
across the heads of the fleeing foe
once more again the censors strikes
and behold Chris shouts oh yikes
I am but a planner a meanial sort
I never felt their was a need to Thwart
So off I went with pen in hand
to find the moderator of this land
In he stepped his beard ablaze
and fixed me with his steely gaze
young man said he without a flutter
why you stand here to spit and splutter
tis me I said who is aggrieved
for I am just a little peeved
removal of my profane text
has left me very vexed
neigh mind good sir for I have news
no longer will you have to muse
On why your your text has been diminished
in a few days this will finish
hoorah said i with face of glee
Once again I am free
to plan and write and write and plan
In my old VW camper van
Stop stop he said for its appalling
Chris Oggham
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Hi Clive, I don’t believe I’ve ever said "yikes" in my life, however, I did have a quiet word with PP Admin, who having been made aware of the problem sent me the following reply: Hello Chris, Am responding to your message regarding moderators. While I can understand your frustrations with the (volunteer) moderators, please try to remember that PP is developed, run and paid for by a small group of volunteers (of which the Moderators are incidentally, not a part of) so try not to judge PP by your experiences with the moderation you have experienced. All the best and keep on planning. Hope you choose to stay with us. It will take a few days to get Rory on the case of closing down the moderator function, please hasstle me if it has not been done in the next few days. So within the next couple of weeks we should see an end or at least a substantial diminution of over-zealous moderation. Chris Oggham
Clive Randall
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good point I shall return like Shelley to my task
Peter Casson
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How about "need to thwart"
Clive Randall
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from 133 to 158
23 postings my god
The sword has struck a swinging blow
across the heads of the fleeing foe
once more again the censors strikes
and behold Chris shouts oh yikes
I am but a planner a meanial sort
I never felt their was a ???? (something needed to ryme here)
Chris Oggham
User offline. Last seen 4 years 50 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 20 May 2004
Posts: 605
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How very strange, despite the large volume of postings to this thread, large numbers of them appear to have disappeared without trace. This would appear to be censorship rather than moderation and I really dont think that censorship has any place in Planning Planet. I think I may just copy this post in a Private Message to PP Admin as I doubt if it will remain on the thread for more than a couple of seconds.

Chris Oggham

This was one of my posts deleted by an overzealous moderator in an attempt to cover up the fact that he or she had gone rather too far. PP Admin are aware of the problem and are taking steps to remove that person as a moderator and hopefully prevent this sort of petty vindictiveness happening again.

Chris Oggham
Clive Randall
User offline. Last seen 11 years 51 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 744
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James Brad Fiona Chris
You have been moderated
Please leave the big brother house