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A Little Light Relief

7 replies [Last post]
Tue, 2008-04-08 06:42
Darren Kosa
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Joined: 8 Feb 2008
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Anybody have any project planning maxims they want to share?

With the week I’m having it would be good to have a giggle.

Here are my top ten

1. Anything that can be changed, will be changed, until there is no time left to change anything.
2. If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
3. A user is somebody who tells you what they want the day you give them what they asked for.
4. A customer is somebody with very high expectations and very shallow pockets.
5. If everything is going exactly to plan, something somewhere is going massively wrong.
6. There’s never enough time to do it right first time, but there’s always enough time to go back and do it again.
7. The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90%.
8. When the weight of the project paperwork equals the weight of the project itself, the project can be considered complete.
9. If there is a 50% chance of something going wrong, then 9 times out of 10 it will.
10. The finish date is the earliest date for which you can’t prove the project won’t be complete.

Regards,

Darren
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Replies

Mon, 2008-05-12 20:43
#1
Christopher (Chri...
User offline. Last seen 3 years 2 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 46
Groups: Accreditation Editors
Here’s a good story that exemplifies the difference between Project Controls and Project Management:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced his altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

"The man below replied, "You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 45 degrees north latitude and between 9 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Project Controls" said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip."

The man below responded, "You must be a Project Manager."

"I am!" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", said the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault."
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Thu, 2008-05-08 12:36
#2
Darren Kosa
User offline. Last seen 7 years 10 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 8 Feb 2008
Posts: 256
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One that’s been doing the rounds for a while, but I received an e-card with this on...

"I’d be much more into this project if you disguised it as a facebook application."

Probably means more to the youngsters amongst us. ;)
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Mon, 2008-04-14 02:37
#3
Chris Oggham
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Joined: 20 May 2004
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Hi Darren,

What a good idea!

Parkinson, Murphy and Sod are alive and well and working on your project.

A little Risk Management saves a lot of fan cleaning.

Short-term projects are like stones, long-term projects are like jewels - and there are few jewels and many stones in this world. -- Fr. Roberto Busa

Chris Oggham
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Tue, 2008-04-08 17:41
#4
Andrew Dick
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 295
Groups: Regional Representatives, The GrapeVine
Oh and I forgot this one.

It is a bad plan that admits of no modifications. - Publius Syrus 42 BC
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Tue, 2008-04-08 17:40
#5
Andrew Dick
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 295
Groups: Regional Representatives, The GrapeVine
I Love Milestones - I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by!

Although I can’t claim this as my own - It’s still true.
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Tue, 2008-04-08 09:41
#6
Mike Testro
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Joined: 14 Dec 2005
Posts: 4418
Groups: Building Information Modelling, Content Moderators, GPCCAR Editors
Hi Darren

How about:

Old planners never die - they have an accelerated finish.
Most planners are a few links short of a critical path.
A consultant is someone who borrows your watch then tells you the time.

Best regards

Mike Testro
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Tue, 2008-04-08 08:23
#7
Abhijit Kale
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Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Posts: 126
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Good one Darren

Cheers,
Abhi
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